Go Eagles

Word

"When one takes a vow of chastity one fucks only himself"

Left Bank Press Welcomes Our Newest Sponsor

For all of your online gambling needs please go to: http://www.pokerimestari.com/

Full review to come!

Flyers Fans to Work Megadeth Security

R.I.P. Heath

Thanks for everything.....

Google Analytics and World Domination

With a little help from Google you too can plot to take over the world. Google Analytics will provide you with a comprehensive breakdown regarding which borders are falling under the mighty weight of your sinister plan.

Have you tried the Google?

Happy New Year

Shanghai Flower fireworks. Simple, elegant...a fitting start to New Year 2008. Left Bank Press would like to extend to you and yours a very placating 2008. May all your dreams be mollified and your hearts pacified. Watch more tv. Consume more, exercise less. Let's all make 2008 entirely meaningless together...

Tropa De Elite

This is THE HOTTEST movie in Brazil right now and there is no doubt that the buzz will catch somehow in the US and Europe. This Brazilian made Portuguese language movie takes place in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. Tropa De Elite is directed by Jose Padilha and tells a story of a captain and two rookies of an elite police force battling with gangs in the favelas (ghettos) of Rio. I know that right off the bat people will compare this movie to City of God. The film takes place in the favelas and is very violent, but the story is told from an almost opposite perspective. The movie seems to imply often that middle and upper class citizens are the main contributers to the poor quality of life in the favelas. The director does make a valid pont. Another common theme during the film was police corruption. BOPE is a team which tries to clean up the police force and even takes out other police men in one scene. I am excited to see yet another high quality project come from Latin/ Central America.

- Excerpt of review from pushapixel.com. Thank you gentlemen.

Left Bank Press review to come. Stay tuned. For now enjoy this.

1st Annual Left Bank Press Charitable Trust Brasilian Seminar

Left Bank Press recommends The Comfort Suites in Alphaville, Sao Paolo, Brazil.

More on the Brasilian seminar and retreat to come. Stay tuned. For now enjoy this.

Booze Test

92%DRUNKARD

Washington Dating

Took a Test to Become an MC - The Way You Make Me Feel Featuring DJ Vision

"Don't stop what you're doin', Don't stop what you're doin', Don't stop what you're doin' to me..."

Coyotes and Bourbon II: The Rise of DJ ?

An alien has landed in the small southwestern town where Coyotes and Bourbon was born. Donning a light blue hoodie, DJ ? has taken over the mind of producer Mike McHugh, forcing him to yield to the universal laws of rhythm and only make music that is truly funky. The extraterrestrially inspired grooves draw from hip-hop, house, reggae, african and latin beats. Drum loops and live instrumentation combine with native-spirit-inspired performances by AJAO, Zach Gill, C-LOS, Playbac, Lady Jay (91.9), Mr. Beanie, Jaime Guzman, Corey Linberg, Barrie Linberg, Jess Goldman, Dave Brogan and Paull E. Rubin.

Hometown: Santa Barbara, CA

"Sounds Like" ...HIp hop spun with house, reggae, african and latin beats. With special thanks to Buzzard God Publishing.

Whippersnappers

Kids These Days...

Genius

How to hide a factory

66

66%The Movie Quiz

FilmCritic.com - Movie Reviews

The Sea Organ

Check it out.

Rocking of Dschingis Khan

clip de Rocking of Dschingis Khan

In a Word: Brilliant

Stop the presses! 3D Mailbox is here! Finally someone blended the excitement of video games with email. Left Bank Press urges all our readers to download this magnificent application today. Our reviewers have awarded 3D Mailbox the coveted Golden Burro Award. (Of course, our subscribers remember the awards ceremony last year which were held over the course of a fortnight at this delicious eatery, which was financed in toto, by proceeds generated by the Left Bank Press Awards Charitable Trust.)

See 3D Mailbox in action here.

Note: As our subscribers know, Left Bank Press is dedicated to giving you all the information you need to make an informed decision, therefore we present to you a sobering Christian reaction here.

Is 3D Mailbox simply an ingenious, innocuous, software application. Or is it the work of Satan. You decide...

Blogging is Not a Crime!

Free Nat.

Burstlabs

Trippy, crazy, cool, hypnotic, mellow, driving, evil, fun.

Try Me

Fitnesss, Here I Come!

Tag, Your Suspended!

A Virginia school has outlawed touching. Left Bank Press applauds this brave decision. There is no such thing as a simple, friendly touch.

Touching has consequences.

Our children need to know that contact of any kind can lead to fornication or death. Our colleagues at the Washington Post cover more of this fascinating story here.

Left Bank Press Reccomends Expekt Review

Like to gamble? Then head on over to Worldpicks.eu. The finest wagering on the world wide web. Bet and win SUPER PRIZES.

Expekt has offer sports betting since 1999.

In the end of 2006 they started cooperation with Tribeca tables as poker software. In January 2007 they launched new affiliate system in cooperation with NetRafer company.

InformationsExpekt offer one of the biggest range of languages. Their services are completely localizated in 27 languages!

On Expekt you can play poker, casino, games with your betting account. You can also try SuperToto with € 100 000 for you guaranteed just for €0.1 stake, when you will corectly bet 14 matches!

Expekt offer their services to more than milion registred customers.

Deposits are easy and automated. You can uploud your funds with credit card or you can use any wallet like Moneybookers or Neteller. You won´t be charged any special fee from Expekt. When you use credit card for fund your account, you have to send to CS your ID card, invoice with your address and copy of your ID card or passport or driver´s licence.

BettingMinimal stake at Expekt is €0.1, what is very good for big combinations or funny combos. Expekt offer matches in live betting for every interesting and important match. This offer is better than mediocore, but Bwin, Bet365 or Betfair can provide better range for you.

If you bet more than is your personal or Expekt´s limit, part of your stake is betted immediately and for other part you must wait, while admin will accept it. In most cases it is in 20minutes and they have very good limits.

Highlights from betting you can receive in newsletter or check in main page. Main page is permanently actualized. Results you can receive by email or by SMS. They offer 10 SMS in month for free and other for €0.1. Offer of matches is very good, but the range of special bets(not 1x2 and O/U) is not big.

Very good is that they offer Serbian league.WithdrawalYou can withdraw your money only by the same way as you deposited. For bank transfer outside of Europe you can be charged up to €20 fee. Other transfers are mostly without any special fees. Withdrawal to Moneybookers is provided up to 36 bussines hours.BonusesExpekt offer very good offer of bonuses. Bonuses you can see when you go to Expekt by clicking here.

Wikipedia is Dead

Wikipedia has announced today in conjuction with Google, that every shred of information on or near planet Earth has been serialized, indexed, stamped, filed and otherwise catalogued.

Go home.

Nothing will ever happen again.

This time period starting now will be known as the afterlife or post wiki existence.

This announcement is the last bit of information you will ever need.

Nieves Rebolledo Vila: Bebe

She hails from Valencia Spain where her parents were executed when she was a child. They were part of the ultra radical folk group known simply as "Surberina". Her name: Nieves Rebolledo Vila. The world knows her as "Bebe". She won best new artist at the 2005 Latin Grammy Awards. The song is "Malo". She now resides on death row.

Watch the video, aqui.

Lyrics por "Malo"

Apareciste una noche fría,
con olor a tabaco sucio y a ginebra
el miedo ya me recorría
mientras cruzaba los deditos tras la puerta.
Tu carita de niño guapo
se la ha ido comiendo el tiempo por tus venas,
y tu inseguridad machista
se refleja cada día en mis lagrimitas.

Una vez más no por favor que estoy cansada y no puedo con el corazón.
Una vez más no mi amor por favor,
no grites que los niños duermen.
Una vez mas no por favor que estoy cansada y no puedo con el corazón.
Una vez más no mi amor por favor,
no grites que los niños duermen.

Voy a volverme como el fuego
voy a quemar tu puño de acero
y del morao de mis mejillas saldrá el valor
para cobrarme las heridas.
Malo, malo, malo eres
no se daña quien se quiere, no
tonto, tonto, tonto eres
no te pienses mejor que las mujeres
Malo, malo, malo eres
no se daña quien se quiere, no
tonto, tonto, tonto eres
no te pienses mejor que las mujeres.

El dia es gris cuando tu estás,
y el sol vuelve a salir cuando te vas
y la penita de mi corazón
yo me la tengo que tragar con el fogón.
mi carita de niña linda
se ha ido envejeciendo en el silencio.
cada vez que me dices puta
se hace tu cerebro más pequeño.

Una vez más no por favor que estoy cansaa y no puedo con el corazón.
Una vez más no mi amor por favor,
no grites que los niños duermen
Una vez más no por favor que estoy cansada y no puedo con el corazón.
Una vez más no mi amor por favor,
no grites que los niños duermen.

Voy a volverme como el fuego
voy a quemar tus puño de acero
y del morao de mis mejillas saldrá el valor
para cobrarme las heridas.
Malo, malo, malo eres
no se daña quien se quiere, no
tonto, tonto, tonto eres
no te pienses mejor que las mujeres
Malo, malo, malo eres
no se daña quien se quiere, no
tonto, tonto, tonto eres
no te pienses mejor que las mujeres.

Voy a volverme como el fuego
voy a quemar tus puño de acero
y del morao de mis mejillas saldrá el valor
para cobrarme las heridas.
Malo, malo, malo eres
no se daña quien se quiere, no
tonto, tonto, tonto eres
no te pienses mejor que las mujeres
Malo, malo, malo eres
no se daña quien se quiere, no
tonto, tonto, tonto eres
no te pienses mejor que las mujeres.

malo, malo eres,
malo eres, porque quieres...
malo, malo eres...
no me chilles, que me duele...

eres débil y eres malo,
y no te pienses mejor que yo ni que nadie...
y ahora yo me fumo un cigarrito
y te echo el humo en el corazoncito...
porque, malo malo eres, tú...
malo, malo eres,sí...
malo, malo eres, siempre...
malo, malo eres...

-Bebe

People You Should Know: Feist

Everything note she hits is timeless, jazzy, smooth, and delicious. If you don't listen her already, you damn well should. You can here.

What Price, Justice?

In a clear indication that our celebrity justice system is in crisis, Left Bank Press brings you this headline: A judge orders Paris Hilton back to jail, CNN confirms. She was taken from court screaming, The Associated Press reports

Science is not God!

What more proof do you heathens want?!!?
You can join the chosen here or here.

I'll be hanging with these guys over here.

A Little Bit Louder Now!

JB remembers when...

And the world watched the young man...

And you can watch him here...

Christmas Party

The Traditional Left Bank Press Christmas party is coming up fast. The time and location will be announced at the long awaited anniversary party. Make sure you are there!

The Traditional Left Bank Press Anniversary Gala Happening Soon

As many of you are aware Left Bank Press is still embroiled in the imbroglio we encoutered during this year's pilgramage to Rangoon. We appreciate your continued dedication to Left Bank Press, and we are pleased to announce that we have just returned from The Hague where we have been cleared of most charges. Although we have been given the green light by the World Court to crank up the press once again (in a somewhat limited fashion) to begin anew our quest to keep this global village informed, we have not as of yet been cleared to receive the permits neccesary for our traditional anniversary party. It seems this happens every year.

Fret not. Left Bank Press will be up and running in fine form in no time at all. Stay tuned here for upcoming party announcements. To Donate to our legal defense fund click the "Make a Donation" button on the right-hand side bar. Thank You.

The King of Techno

See the full length documentary about the man who started it all.

Gentleman's Weekly

This one's here to stay, ladies and gentleman.

Welcome To Our Newest Sponsor: "The Droog Report"

A very special welcome to a new blog that links to Left Bank Press. "The Droog Report" has potential but according to influential London oddsmakers, Ladbrokes, the odds are a steely 20-1, that The Droog Report never makes it past 3 postings. We can only wish them luck. To see the very first Left Bank Press posting ever, featuring the lovely and talented Brigette Bardot, click here.

A Midsummer Night's Dream (Oberon 1977)

I humbly submit for your approval, dear reader, a delicious moment wrought, neigh bled, from the implement of His own implement, the Swan of Avon. "Oh mighty Oberon how you pen the trembling beast!"

I was photographed here on stage actualizing Oberon in a 1977 production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. My performance was called "animalistic and sensual". Who am I?

"Give thee worms words, tis' wasted work indeed, half wasted work upon which minds unourished feed." -WS

William Shakespeare extricated a greater preponderance of heretofore unknown syllabic utterances from deep within the further recesses of his non-frontal anatomy than the cumulative output of all other poets of his lifetime combined.

Legend of Drunken Blaster III: Straight Outta House Arrest (Extended Theatrical Trailer)

Little Pepper

Pimentinha or "Little Pepper" began stealing the show at age fourteen. When divas roamed the Earth, the sun beat down hardest on the streets of Brasil, where the chanteuse Elis Regina cooked up the spell she cast on all of us. Can we ever forget? Has it been that long? Many will remember much of the sixties as a time of Pimentinha, when every one spoke Portuguese and everyone was just another beach kid soaking up the heat caught in the bars of nighttime Ipanema.

Old Tom Jobim used to play with her and bring the house down.

Can you hear her sca-sca-scat?

Aguas de Marco (Waters of March)

Antonio Carlos Jobim
(1927 - 1994)

AKA Tom Jobim, the Man from Ipanema. Born (Antonio Carlos Brasileiro de Almeida Jobim) in Rio de Janiero, Brasil where the international airport now bears his name. Composer, arranger, singer, pianist and the man who dreamed aloud and brought the world the Bossa Nova.

The modern word for music in portuguese literally translates as "that which flows from Jobim". From Ella Fitzgerald to Frank Sinatra the musical world has been touched by this Brasillian legend. Few artists footprints tread deeper in 20th century music than those of Tom Jobim.

Aguas de Marco (Waters of March) is best known in song, as sung by the likes of Elis Regina and Rosa Passos (Both versions are accompanied by and conducted by Antonio Carlos Jobim). Elis Regina and Tom Jobin Aguas de Marco video.

Tom Jobim originally penned the lyrics for Aguas de Marco in portuguese as a poem. Jobim himself re-wrote these lyrics for the English version. The portuguese is beautiful. In English it becomes something entirely new and wonderful. Aguas de Marco or...


Waters of March

A stick, a stone,
It's the end of the road,
It's the rest of a stump,
It's a little alone

It's a sliver of glass,
It is life, it's the sun,
It is night, it is death,
It's a trap, it's a gun

The oak when it blooms,
A fox in the brush,
A knot in the wood,
The song of a thrush

The wood of the wind,
A cliff, a fall,
A scratch, a lump,
It is nothing at all

It's the wind blowing free,
It's the end of the slope,
It's a beam, it's a void,
It's a hunch, it's a hope

And the river bank talks
of the waters of March,
It's the end of the strain,
The joy in your heart

The foot, the ground,
The flesh and the bone,
The beat of the road,
A slingshot's stone

A fish, a flash,
A silvery glow,
A fight, a bet,
The range of a bow

The bed of the well,
The end of the line,
The dismay in the face,
It's a loss, it's a find

A spear, a spike,
A point, a nail,
A drip, a drop,
The end of the tale

A truckload of bricks
in the soft morning light,
The shot of a gun
in the dead of the night

A mile, a must,
A thrust, a bump,
It's a girl, it's a rhyme,
It's a cold, it's the mumps

The plan of the house,
The body in bed,
And the car that got stuck,
It's the mud, it's the mud

Afloat, adrift,
A flight, a wing,
A hawk, a quail,
The promise of spring

And the riverbank talks
of the waters of March,
It's the promise of life
It's the joy in your heart

A stick, a stone,
It's the end of the road
It's the rest of a stump,
It's a little alone

A snake, a stick,
It is John, it is Joe,
It's a thorn in your hand
and a cut in your toe

A point, a grain,
A bee, a bite,
A blink, a buzzard,
A sudden stroke of night

A pin, a needle,
A sting, a pain,
A snail, a riddle,
A wasp, a stain

A pass in the mountains,
A horse and a mule,
In the distance the shelves
rode three shadows of blue

And the riverbank talks
of the waters of March,
It's the promise of life
in your heart, in your heart

A stick, a stone,
The end of the road,
The rest of a stump,
A lonesome road

A sliver of glass,
A life, the sun,
A knife, a death,
The end of the run

And the riverbank talks
of the waters of March,
It's the end of all strain,
It's the joy in your heart.

Watch Where You're Going

Serial Killer

Half Way Home

Support Our Other Troops on the Other Front Line!

Only you can help end cartoon violence!
Their picking on Legos, man.
They're picking on fucking Lego's for Christ's sake!


A LIST OF DANISH PRODUCTS:

www.VisitDenmark.com

Danish Exporters (Food):
Arla Foods is Europe's second-largest dairy company and the leading Danish exporter to Saudi Arabia, where it sells an estimated 328 million dollars worth of products every year
Brands: Rosenborg, Lurpak, Dofino, Denmark's Finest, Mediterra, Danish Crown (meat), Emborg, Danish Bacon, Thor Fish, Danisco Food

Candy: Toms (chocolate), Lagermann, Galle & Jessen, Ingeborgs Chocolate

Beverages: Tuborg Beer,Carlsberg Beer, Aalborg Aquavit (snaps), Danish Distillers (Swedish Company some products produced in Denmark).

Medicine: Novo

Audio Equipment/Home Theater: Audio Vector, B&O (Bang & Olufsen), Cilo, Dali, DynAudio, Eltax, Jamo, Tangent, Vifa

Cigarettes: Prince

Clothing: H2O, Hummel, Per Reumert, Munthe plus Simonsen, Bruuns Bazaar, Veromoda Only, IC Companies, In Wear, Matinique, Sand

Shoes: Jaco,Dansko

Software: EarMaster (for musicians)

Toys: Lego

Jewelry: Lund Trading ( MD Distributor ) (Danish Troll Beads Etc.)

Furniture: Fritz Hansen

Danish Design: B & G Porcelain, Georg Jensen, HTH, Morsoe, Lindberg, PH, Raadvad, Royal Copenhagen, Royal Danish Porcelain, Skagen, Stelton, Trip Trap, Vesta

Other:
Nilfisk Vacuum Cleaners, Watco Danish Furniture Oil, Leitech, Grund Foss, Dan Foss, GN

How does anyone end up picking on the Danes?

In Germany, they first came for the communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Catholic. Then they came for me -- and by that time there was nobody left to speak up.

Legend of Drunken Blaster

Many thanks to Ted Turner for cleaning up these old Hollywood Classic Shorts. The Legend of Drunken Blaster series is now on loan from Turner Classic Movies and is currently available at Left Bank Press. Movie viewers can be found below. For best replay quality click Here

Donations - Rangoon 2006

As many of you know the staff at Left Bank Press are leaving for the pilgrimage. As is the case every year, we have sold our belongings and the office is leased indefinitely. All business matters are now in the hands of our Barrister, Sir Wembley Frothnoughton - Please direct any and all correspondce accordingly.

We anxiously await our departure. Soon, we will be hopping off in Borneo and quickly moving on to the merciless deltas of Rangoon. Only there will the purpose of our journey be revealed.

All precautions have been taken. All respective governments have been made aware. Fate cannot be bargained with however, as we have been made painfully aware in 1962, '68, 71', 85' and 2005. It is with steadfast precaution and humble acceptance that we have again put up the Pay Pal donations button for the well being of all families concerned. Thank you in advance.

Legend of Drunken Blaster II: The Rebels Attack

For best replay quality click Here

Legend of Drunken Blaster: Shaolin Kick

Imminent Domain Part I

Imminent Domain: Part II

And in the end, ... who wins?

Listen To What I'm Not Saying

Heroes

They sent a monkey into space in a spaceship especially equipped with a banana dispenser. His fly-boy buddies knew him as Junior, and as he risked his life for you and me, and all of "mankind", all he ever asked for, was a banana. Junior flew dangerous rescue missions every day in a McDonnell Douglas Tailbiter "Tin Cup" helicopter throughout the Vietnam war.

His father Rex, Sr., was a fighter pilot in World War II.. Rex, Sr. was good pals with, and was in the same fighter squadron as, President George Bush, Sr. Their was a lot of bigotry towards simians in the military back then. That systemic abuse lingered on until Bush "One", enacted the first pro-monkey military legislation. In fact, every military aircraft today comes with a banana dispenser as standard equiptment.

Ain't Got No / I Got Life

Her story started as many do amidst the sights and sounds and scents that folks call home. It could be anytime, anywhere. But it wasn't Rio or Africa or Paris. As it so happened, it turned out to be 1930's America. Where muscles wore out in time to worksongs as fingers slowly bled. Where the sweet aroma of a fresh baked apple pie cooling on the windowsill could make your heart flutter, if only momentarily wrestling aside the the stench of fear. It was in Tryon, which is just south of Dirtpoor, North Carolina. Home of nothing good and right next door to even worse. Brokenbacksville. Lumpstown, USA.

If it wasn't for her acute condition, nobody would have ever seen her. Nobody lines up to watch someone slowly die. If it wasn't for her condition they would have had no choice but to keep her home to continue her apprenticeship in misery. Fortunately the Doctor agreed and with the help of the "Eustice Waymon Fund" they gathered enough alms to send her to the only place that could help. For her condition was quite dire; she was diagnosed early on with a rather severe case of serious talent. So it was, off to the "famed" Julliard Clinic of the Arts in New York.

Julliard. Where Bach and Brahms tripped over each other trying to get away and certainly where Miles heard her play.

They cured her there. Taught her how to play. Set her straight, allright. Showed her how to make the best of her condition. How to ease the pain when they told her she was no good elsewhere. Where being no good meant not the right color.

She was just a useful naive little girl with her hat out, playing for tips at the Midtown Bar and Grill in Atlantic City when they told her that she would have to sing if she wanted to get paid. (She understood that the Lord don't pay and she played anyway, even though the Lord don't pay.) But she could play. Lord knows she could play.

She had a nickname then and they told la niña that they weren't going to pay her to sit around and play.

So she sang. And she played and she howled and she banged... until the keys and her fingers bled.

She cured us then. Taught us how to play. Set us all straight, right?

Sinnerman

Oh Sinnerman, where you gonna run to?
Sinnerman, where you gonna run to?
Where you gonna run to?
All on that day

Well I run to the rock, "please hide me"
I run to the rock,"please hide me"
I run to the rock, "please hide me, Lord"
All on that day

But the rock cried out, "I can't hide you"
The rock cried out, "I can't hide you"
The rock cried out, "I ain't gonna hide you guy"
All on that day

I said, "Rock, what's a matter with you rock?"
"Don't you see I need you, rock?"
Lord, Lord, Lord
All on that day

So I run to the river, it was bleedin'
I run to the sea, it was bleedin'
I run to the sea, it was bleedin'
All on that day

So I run to the river, it was boilin'
I run to the sea, it was boilin'
I run to the sea, it was boilin'
All on that day

So I run to the Lord, "please hide me Lord"
"Don't you see me prayin'?"
"Don't you see me down here prayin'?"

But the Lord said, "go to the devil"
The Lord said, "go to the devil"
He said, "go to the devil"
All on that day

So I ran to the devil, he was waitin'
I ran to the devil, he was waitin'
Ran to the devil, he was waitin'
All on that day

I cried -
POWER!!!!!!!
(Power to da Lord)

Fat Kid

A Fat Kid with a Piece of Cake is a lonely little bastard. Look at him with icing on his chubby face and hands; fork poised at the ready. His steely eyes ward off potential predatory playground sharers.

He shall endure a solitary existence, eventually toiling for just enough weekly wages to keep his shirttails smudged with fudge.

They're Back...

Lesson Six: Viticulture - Overall Rating: 95

Another top producer, Boones Farm excels with blush varietals. The Strawberry Hill is full bodied and fragrant; a ripely flavored wine with intense flavors (strawberries, lemon pledge, apple, lime, and oakey toast), good acidity (LSD-25) and medium length. 0.78% residual sugar. 741 cases. The Strawberry Hill is exceptional: extremely distinct and fine quality; a dry, full bodied, with excellent flavor and length. It tastes of rose petal, litchi nut, grapefruit, urine and old sneakers. Long persistence. 595 cases. Drink through 2005. Screw Cap.

Ahh, Anna Lucia

Love lost. My heart weeps for Anna Lucia. Sex, and Drugs, and Rock & Roll.

Lesson Five: Civics

Christopher Walken for President: 2008. If Harvey Keitel considers joining the ticket, I'm in.

Last time I saw Chris he was with Bobby and Harvey, at the NY Film Critics Circle Award. He was about to receive his Best Supporting Actor Award for his penetrating portrayal of a suicidal GI in The Deer Hunter.

As I recall Ed Koch was just elected to his first term and Chris could care less about the awards. Everything revolved around politics with Chris. He's basically a political animal. Everyone knew this day would come.


"If you want to learn how to build a house, build a house. Don't ask anybody, just build a house."
- Christopher Walken

Meaner Than Dirt

H. Marion Wayne, (Pictured Here - Only known photo-graph), was just about the meanest son of a bitch I ever come 'cross. Marion was the worst kind of four-flusher. Nary a moment he wasn't full as a tick with his Colt unshucked. The man walked 'round Cody like he had a stone in his boot all day. Needless t' say the day i met ol' Wayne was the only time I ever been' shot (in the back). Ole' Wayne'll put a slug in ya quicker than a jackrabbit takes care of business. Made the mistake of datin' that hornery bastard's sister one evenin'. 'Course she was no prettier than he was and she didn't give me nothin' but a lick and a promise, but sure 'nough when i drop her off, ole' Marion come a-runnin' at me, a-punchin', kickin', bitin', n' shootin'!

Lesson Four: The Lesson of Tuk Tuk

Anuk and Suku were brothers. The three of us shared an old missionary outpost on the furthest edge of our remote compound. Their father, Tuk Tuk, was the village elder. I was there that winter conducting a Wildlife Harvest Study, we were trying to gauge the impact of human encroachment on the areas oldest residents.

The Artic region is a surprisingly welcoming environ. I found myself quite suited to the solitude. The Inuit inhabit the lands near the Artic. Their homeland ranges anywhere from the northeastern tip of Russia across Alaska and Northern Canada all the way to parts of Greenland.

Unfortunately I was only able to spend one winter there. Travelling can be treacherous and downright lethal so I did not get to venture too far out into that snow covered majestic landscape. Perhaps that is my greatest regret.

Every night we gathered in the one room schoolhouse that doubled as the town hall. The women would cook and dance as the men stitched our boots and coats to make sure they were ready for the rigors of the next day.

Tuk Tuk made sure everyone knew everyone the great stories in their rich folklore tradition, especially the children.

Tuk Tuk kunikatuk tut tuk - Tuk Tuk may you swim with great walrus.

I Know Not It's Name

This is the "Thing" That attacked us that day. No one talks about it. I Know Not It's Name.